Sixteen Year Old Girl Posts 4 Year Old Sister for Sale on Craigslist
My parents push me to the end of my patience when my father comes home from work with cream pie and they only let me have one piece and Kylie gets as much she wants. And my mother is all like, “Amanda, you need to watch your weight. Kylie is thin and it won’t affect her like it does you.”
Kylie’s so damn cute, and I never stop hearing about it. Even my friends say, “Your sister is soooo adorable. I could just take her home.” Ok, then, it shouldn’t be too hard to sell her on craigslist. I’ve used it to sell a ton of clothes that I don’t have to pass down to my little sister because she’s 12 years younger and anyways Mom would never dress her in anything but new. I’m not worried that Mom and Dad will see the ad. They are too yesterday to have a clue about craigslist or Facebook or cell phones that take pictures.
I won’t make the price too high for a quick sale because it’s not about the money. $50 should be good. The category seems perfect: under For Sale - baby+kids. My ad to sell my sister shows up right between “Lexie Rose Toddler Seat Car Cover – New - $90” and “Tot Lok by Safety First - $50”.
The ad needs a picture. People screen out ads without pictures. Not a problem – the beautiful Kylie loves to pose. She’s playing outside in her designer sandbox with the sterilized crystalline sand Mom imported from Egypt. God, I wish my mother had a second baby right after me instead of waiting forever. And she did it on purpose. Having me gave her such a shock it took her a decade to recover. Now I’m stuck with this princess who gets everything. When she’s gone they’ll love me more and not criticize my weight and be thankful that they have at least one child left.
“Kylie, can I take your picture for my Facebook page?” I say all sweet and inviting.
“Let me fix my hair first,” she says. So like how does a four year old know to do that? She runs into the house and calls for Sylvie, our nanny, to take care of it. Sylvie loves to fawn all over Kylie just like everyone else. She’s happy to stop straightening up Kylie’s Pottery Barn bedroom and play with her blonde curls and pink ribbons for a while.
My parents’ genes healed after they hooked up to create my pathetic straight brown hair and oversized body. I’m sure Kylie is going to grow up to be a size 0, but I’ll never know. She’ll be in some other family soon. I’m definitely not going to mention in my ad anything about her temper fits when she throws herself face down on the floor if she doesn’t get her way. Like when I didn’t mention that hole under the armpit of the coat I sold.
I’m good at taking pictures so I get a great one of Kylie sitting at the patio table. I open it up on my laptop, and Kylie comes up behind me to see. “Mandy, you take pretty pictures. Can I see the one you took of the birds?” I love showing my photographs so I’m happy to open it up, even for her. She asks to see picture after picture of ones she remembers I’ve taken. “Oh, look at the alligator. He’s scary!” She always likes to see the animal pictures I took at the zoo when Sylvie took us there last summer. She puts her skinny arms around my neck and tells me I’m her bestest friend.
“Kylie, can you go get me a piece of that cream pie? Tell Sylvie it’s for you.”
“Ogkay!” She bops downstairs to get it done. After she’s delivered the pie and gone back to her sandbox, I post her picture, not on craigslist, but on my Facebook page with the title, “Newest picture of my sweetheart sister.” In the time it takes me to update my status and check my messages, four friends have left comments about how gorgeous she is.
My next ad is going to be tougher to fit into a category. Household, Collectibles, Material, nothing seems right, although if Collectibles is for old stuff I could use that. I settle on Free. That’s the only way I’m going to get rid of a set of used parents.